>> POP QUIZ: HOW MANY SCHOOLS ARE REPRESENTED IN THE BIG TEN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE?

IF YOU ANSWERED 10, YOU REALLY HAVE NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.

THE CONFERENCE HASN’T BEEN TRUE TO ITS NAME SINCE PENN STATE JOINED IN 1990.

TODAY, THE ONCE MIDWEST-CENTRIC BIG 10 HAS OFFICIALLY BECOME A COAST-TO-COAST CONFERENCE, ADDING OREGON, WASHINGTON, USC AND UCLA FOR A TOTAL OF 18 TEAMS.

AND OF THOSE 18 SCHOOLS, HOW MANY OF THEIR FOOTBALL TEAMS LOST IN THE FIRST WEEK OF THE SEASON?

IT IS TO WEEP.

BACK IN THE GLORY DAYS, BY WHICH I MEAN LAST YEAR, THE CONFERENCE WAS DIVIDED INTO THE POWERHOUSE EAST DIVISION AND THE LAME-O WEST DIVISION.

BACK THEN, A GOPHER FOOTBALL DIEHARD COULD AT LEAST DREAM OF A SCENARIO IN WHICH A WEAK SCHEDULE AND AN ANY-GIVEN-SATURDAY WIN IN THE CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP COULD CONSPIRE TO GIVE GOLDY THE BIG 10 TITLE.

THIS WOULD, IN TURN, EARN A TRIP TO THE PROMISED LAND OF PASADENA TO PLAY IN THE GRANDDADDY OF ALL BOWL GAMES.

THIS, FOR THE RECORD, IS A TRIP THAT TEAM GOLDY HAS NOT TAKEN AS LONG AS I’VE BEEN ALIVE.

I CONFESS THAT I POSSESS THE INDOMITABLE, DARE I SAY RECKLESS, HOPE OF THE MINNESOTA SPORTS FAN.

AND I AM COGNIZANT OF THE OLD JOKE ABOUT THE WIZENED, LONG-SUFFERING GOPHER SEASON TICKET HOLDER WHOSE LAST REQUEST WAS TO HAVE SIX LINEMEN SERVE AS HIS PALLBEARERS, HE WANTED TO GIVE THE TEAM A CHANCE TO LET HIM DOWN ONE LAST TIME.

AND SO, I AM TAKING MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS.

NEXT MONTH, SOME FRIENDS AND I ARE HOPPING ON A PLANE TO LOS ANGELES FOR AN AWAY GAME AGAINST UCLA.

CHANCES ARE, THAT’S THE CLOSEST THE GOPHERS WILL GET TO THE ROSE BOWL IN MY LIFETIME.