♪♪ >> MARK: IT'S JANUARY, AND LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE GETTING SICK, BUT DON'T BOTHER GOING TO THE DOCTOR FOR A SORE THROAT OR STOMACHACHE - THEY'RE ALL BUSY TREATING PICKLEBALL INJURIES.

THIS IS BECOMING A SUPER POPULAR SPORT, WITH AN INJURY RATE LIKE LOGGING OR PROFESSIONAL RUGBY.

A LOT OF PEOPLE START PLAYING AT RETIREMENT AGE.

I GUESS NOBODY'S WATCHING “MURDER SHE WROTE” ANY MORE.

NOW ALMOST 90% OF THE PEOPLE GETTING HURT ON THE PICKLEBALL COURT ARE OVER 60, AND 90% OF THOSE INJURIES WERE CAUSED BY FALLING DOWN.

HOW CAN YOU TELL THEY'RE OVER 60?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE GRAY HAIR, AND BIG GLASSES, AND GRAY BEARDS, AND, OKAY, I HAVE PLAYED TWICE, BUT I ONLY FELL DOWN ONCE OR TWICE.

LOTS OF MY FRIENDS PLAY, SO I FIGURED I BETTER TRY.

IT'S NOT EASY.

SCORING IS WEIRD, LIKE “IT'S 3 TO 7 TO 2.” THE RULES ARE STRANGELY CENTERED ON FOOD.

GOOD SHOTS ARE CALLED FALAFELS OR FLAPJACKS.

YOU CAN GET PICKLED.

THE “KITCHEN” IS THE AREA BY THE NET.

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, WHICH IS GOOD WEIGHT LOSS ADVICE, BUT I KEPT CHARGING BACK IN, I GUESS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO AT HOME.

THE FALLING IS A PROBLEM.

OLDER PEOPLE LOSE SOME OF THE BALANCE CELLS IN THE INNER EAR, AND SOMETIMES OUR BONES TURN INTO PRETZEL STICKS.

EXERCISE IS GENERALLY GOOD FOR THIS, BUT THAT MEANS DOING MORE WALKING, NOT DIVING HEADFIRST AFTER A YELLOW PLASTIC BALL.

AND, OF COURSE, THERE IS THE NOISE, A CONSTANT LOUD CLICKING LIKE A MASSIVE CICADA INVASION.

IF YOU WEREN'T ALREADY HARD OF HEARING, YOU MIGHT BE AFTER A FEW GAMES.

MAYBE I'LL START A NEW SPECIALTY - PICKLEBALL MEDICINE.

I'LL BECOME A PICKLE-IST.

TALK ABOUT A HIGH-GROWTH AREA.

I MIGHT EVEN DO A PICKLE FELLOWSHIP, AND START MY OWN PICKLEBALL CLINIC, WITH A PROPER KITCHEN.

NOW IF ONLY I CAN GET A GRANT FROM GEDNEY OR CLAUSSEN.

IT COULD REALLY BE A BIG DILL.