>> MARK: SUMMER IS OVER.

THE STATE FAIR IS GONE, LIKE BRIGADOON, EVAPORATED BACK INTO THE MIST.

THE LEAVES WILL SOON BE HISTORY.

AS ANY PARENT KNOWS, WE ARE NOW WELL INTO THE NEXT PHASE IN OUR GLORIOUS, EVER-CHANGING CYCLE OF SEASONS, WHICH IS BACK-TO-SCHOOL SHOPPING.

I LOVE BACK TO SCHOOL.

I WAS IN SCHOOL HALF OF MY LIFE.

MY LAST DAY OF MEDICAL SCHOOL WAS THE DAY I TURNED 30, SO EVEN NOW, FALL MEANS BACK TO SCHOOL, EVEN IF I DON’T ACTUALLY GO.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

I HAVE BEEN BUYING NEW CRAYONS ALMOST EVERY FALL MY WHOLE LIFE.

SOMETIMES I COLOR.

MOSTLY, I JUST SMELL THEM.

IT’S OKAY — IT SAYS ‘NON-TOXIC’ RIGHT ON THE BOX.

NOTHING SMELLS AS GOOD AS A NEW BOX OF CRAYONS.

WHEN I WAS A KID, WE ALWAYS HAD BOXES OF EIGHT COLORS, AND ONE OF THEM WAS WHITE.

LATER WE COULD AFFORD THE 24 OR EVEN THE 48 BOX, BUT WE COULD NEVER AFFORD THE TESLA MERCEDES CADILLAC OF CRAYONS, THE LARGE 64-BOX, WITH THE BUILT-IN SHARPENER.

THIS IS LIKE THE BEST MARKETING DEVICE EVER INVENTED.

IT ENCOURAGES KIDS TO PEEL OFF THE PAPER AND CARVE AWAY MOST OF THE CRAYON, USING IT UP EVEN FASTER THAN PRESSING REALLY HARD TO GET THAT SHINY, GLOSSY LOOK.

FOR YOU PARENTS, REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR CHILD SAYS, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SPEND THE EXTRA MONEY FOR THE LARGER 64 BOX OF CRAYONS.

NO RULE SAYS YOUR CHILD HAS TO BE POPULAR.

THEY COULD ALWAYS BECOME TEAM MANAGER FOR THE CHESS CLUB OR THE AUDIO-VISUAL AIDE WHO RUNS THE SPOTLIGHT DURING THE HOMECOMING DANCE INSTEAD.

BY BECOMING HOPELESS GEEKS, THEY WILL BE PERFECT CANDIDATES FOR MEDICAL SCHOOL.

THEN THEY CAN AFFORD THE BIGGEST, BEST BOX OF CRAYONS AROUND.

I MYSELF NOW OWN A SUPER-DELUXE BOX OF 96.

IT INCLUDES COLORS THAT ARE NOT EVEN FOUND IN NATURE, LIKE ‘MOROSE’ AND ‘EPHEMERALD GREEN.’ IT DOESN'T COME WITH A SHARPENER, NO, IT COMES WITH A YEAR’S SUBSCRIPTION TO A SHARPENING SERVICE.

I WAS SO HAPPY, UNTIL I FOUND OUT THEY NOW MAKE AN EVEN BIGGER BOX